Impending Crossroads, Unwanted Foresight

This is a very strange feeling to feel for a first entry for the new year. I know I didn't close 2010 publicly, and I've not actually been here for a long time. I took all my writing, my thoughts and feelings offline - That's where I've been all this time. I stayed there, and I think I might stay there for this new year too.

2010 was more than eventful. It matters so much to me that I'm not sure how to live in 2011. I am scared. Scared because I suddenly start to see what I never saw. And my heart's preparing to plunge into an abyss, a pool of blur. There's no direction, no assurance.

And all I know is that this fear, stems from the opening of my eyes to so many things. Since Christmas Eve until now, all that I've been seeing are things I've not seen before. Not my literal sight, but my heart's insight to just what this world has done and is doing to us. All of us.

That scares me.

Ask me where God is and I'll tell you He's in the centre of it all. Still standing there with His nail-pierced hands and feet, with arms wide open and heart so full of love for us we'd have to die to fully experience and understand the extent of His love.

I simply need You, Lord. Everything means nothing if I can't find You in the midst of everything that happens in my life. So in my fear, be found.